Firstborn

Gift or miracle, fate or chance,
Reason for a joyous laugh.
I could not say what this should be called.
Nor whether to sit and pray or stand and applaud.
I do know that this is my very best year.
Our son has made his premier.

Zero Daze

I sell zero days.
My meals come from microwaves.
Most days I forget to shave.
Working at home is not lazy.
Pink eyes do not mean my mind is hazy.
Yes, I get dazed.
But still I code myself out of every maze.

Subdivided We Fall

Cul-de-sacs and dead ends,
Wide green lawns to tend,
Divided we fall
But subdivided we see no problem at all.
In-ground pools and the very best schools,
You can have this too if you follow our rules.
But you heard “Freedom isn’t free,”
For like reasons we have speed-bumps for speed,
And for when we dislike the sight of you
We cite you,
And for when your car is old and rusted
You get busted.

Give Me Something

Cold rolled steel coil and machine oil
If the boss is loyal the line will toil.
Other lines of work feel so fake,
Just give me something to make.

From the mixing of the batter,
To the cake on a platter.
Other lines of work smell so fake,
Just give me something to bake.

Dabs of oil on a canvas,
A planet without art would be madness.
Other lines of work look so fake,
Just give me something to paint.

Baby Picture Ideas

Please end this boring slide show.

Your baby  is cute, everyone already knows.

But these pictures are no fun.

It’s just a blanket and your son.

How about a severed plush horsey head

Laying next to him in bed.

Picture him packed in your luggage

Or playing among baby shower dunnage.

Put him in a hollowed out melon,

Or dress him in stripes like a felon.

Photograph him among creepy doll parts,

You can call it art.

Surround him with carrots and taters in a roasting pan

Any your album will finally have fans!

March Prophecy

Some upsets will be tragic,
Caused by a leprechaun’s magic.
But when the sun rises there will be no cheers from South Bend,
The devil will cause their end.
In defeat, the Bulldog will moan.
The bird of prey will not outpace the Cyclones,
But against the one with blue skin,
The Devil wins.
The Cavaliers will stand their ground
But in the final minutes of the final four their defeat will be found.
At last the Blue Devil will meet the Sun Devil.
Who will enjoy unholy revel?

Bob’s 27 Inch Monitor

Accountant Ned said,
“End of year is near.
Unused budget, I fear,
Will disappear next year.
I hate to see money lost,
So buy something for your desk and expense the cost.”

So Bob asked for a twenty seven inch monitor.
The answer was “Sure.”
Bob responded “Thank you sir.”
And went to the store to procure
A monitor
Lizard.

Could you guess whose career came to an end?
It was the accountant Ned!
You may be surprised,
Unless you surmised,
That Bob and Big Boss Jim
Are kin.

My Stray

Did you see that?!
A cat slinked past our welcome mat.
Is she a stray?
If we let her in, will she stay?
Get a snack fast,
Before the chance is past.
Milk or cheese,
Anything, hurry please.
We need something pleasing for teasing
And when we ease nearer we can gently seize her
And squeeze her
As long as it pleases her.
Now hurry, pass me the treat!
Oh no, the best you could find is a beet?

Now I pine for the feline
So I posted this sign:
“Help find my cat – a Burmese
With black patches on her knees
And a coat the color of roasted wheat.
Take special note, she hates beets.”

One Month

On the hospital bed I could not say where this was heading
But we are through one month already.
You are lifting your head up, although still unsteady,
And we step forward, like explorers treading.

Every Redhead is King

It may not smell like Irish Spring
And not everyone wears a claddagh ring.
Breakfast isn’t Lucky Charms
And the island is more than potato farms.
But here’s one true thing, every redhead is king.